There I was the summer of 2018, I had just had my beautiful daughter and I was in the most pain of my life... I was lonely, sitting on my couch, paralyzed by the thought of actually having to admit out loud that I needed help. That I could barely pick up my seven pound daughter, that sitting, standing, walking was near impossible. I never talked about my pain up until this point in my life. I kept it to myself. Nobody could see my pain so whenever I tried to talk about it in the past people blew me off and it just made me feel worse. So sitting on my couch unable to move, crying while breastfeeding my baby feeling so many feelings I decided to start my instagram page @charlenetown_ and for the first time in my life open up to people I didn't know and talk about my life and experiences with Psoriatic Arthritis.

That first post was both liberating and terrifying at the same time. I didn't know what kind of response I was going to get, I just knew that I couldn't hold all of this in any more. And the response I got was incredible! I found so many people who also had PsA! I talked with them about their experiences, what medications they took, their experiences postpartum and from that day forward my life began to change. I had FINALLY found a community of people that could SEE my invisible pain and that could relate and empathize without pity.

I also started talking to my husband and close friends just sharing how I was feeling and what my pain levels were like. Then six months postpartum I found a counselor to help with postpartum depression and anxiety (highly recommend if you are a mama struggling!! Life gets better I promise!) But I'm getting ahead of myself.

My PsA symptoms during pregnancy weren't terrible but not great. I noticed the day I had my daughter my psoriasis came back on my scalp immediately and was bleeding and oozing by the time I left the hospital. My pain levels and inflammation started to come back as well I was just so overwhelmed with everything going on as a new mom that I brushed it off until I was six weeks postpartum and I couldn't ignore the pain any longer. I would often have to scream into a pillow after a night feeding because I was in so much pain. I would have to have my husband pick up my daughter and hand her to me because I physically couldn't do it. I couldn't carry my daughter around the house to soothe her so I was trapped in our rocking chair because I physically couldn't walk her around. I finally had to acknowledge that was in really bad shape. I was terrified to leave my house for fear that I wouldn't be able to make it back... even a trip to the grocery store seemed like a death sentence.

At that point I went back to my Rheumatologist and requested to be put back on Humira. I also talked to my holistic doctor, my acupuncturist and my daughters pediatrician before doing so to make sure it was ok to still breastfeed. Everyone gave me the OK so I went back on my Humira. It took about 3-6 months before it really started working and I was able to move my body in the way that I wanted.

In the early days after pregnancy I had a hard time believing that I could truly be happy again. But after getting back on my meds, finding healthy movement for my body and seeking counseling I am so happy to say that I am in the best place of my life!

Be kind to yourself it takes time. I have been on Humira since 2013 and started eating in a Paleo based way in 2017, found healthy movement for MY body starting in 2019. It has been a journey and one that is going to continue forever because my body will constantly have different needs. Now I have the awareness around what I need and just do my very best each and every day. Remind yourself daily that you are amazing and that you are doing a GREAT JOB!!

Be Kind to Yourself,

Change Takes Time.

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CHARLENE